Is it Ever Enough?
I wanna share something with you that I’ve heard people say, and maybe you’ve heard this too, have you ever heard someone say, it’s just never enough for her.
She always wants more. Maybe you’ve even said this about yourself or a friend. Maybe you’ve even felt this way with your kids. But what I’ve come to know is that wanting and desiring more, it doesn’t make us selfish. In fact, it’s human. And as we evolve as humans, our wants and needs should also evolve. I believe, and I’ve seen firsthand, that when you allow yourselves to be in tune with your needs and explore nuance and desires, that’s actually an accomplishment and it impacts everyone around you, your friends, your family, your children.
But of course, it’s so much easier set than done. And when I first started allowing myself to step into my bigger dreams and goals, I was often overcome with this feeling of guilt that I was ungrateful or selfish. Would it ever be good enough, Kelsey? And in many ways I had a really beautiful life, but I still felt empty, unfulfilled.
And I had this tug for this thought of, okay, this is great and all and I’m proud of us, but is this it forever? And that’s when I developed this phrase that I literally would tell myself every time I was having these feelings, I would check myself and come back and say, okay, Kelsey, gratitude doesn’t negate desire.
Are You Doing Yourself + Your Family a Disservice?
As parents, I actually believe that when we don’t allow ourselves to expand, we’re not only doing ourselves to disservice, but we’re also doing disservice to those in our. And if you don’t give yourself permission to grow, expand, and want more, you could miss out on a completely different version of yourself that’s waiting to be unleashed.
And what does that mean for your life as well as anyone watching it like your kids? So many of the women in my community, and maybe you listening as well, have this pool inside of you for. Maybe you have this feeling of desire or wanting more. You can even visualize it for yourself. But then you check yourself and you identify these desires, wants and thoughts as ungrateful or selfish, and it leaves you with this feeling of guilt and you end up shaming yourself into feeling ungrateful.
So then the mistake that many make is you quiet those feelings and you convince yourself to be grateful and count your blessings and go back to your day to. But here’s the thing, convincing yourself to silence your desires and then being tolerant of your current is not going to make you happier. It actually just pushes down your feelings, and subconsciously you’re telling yourself that you’re not worthy of having more success.
Health, wealth, happiness. They’re not finite resources, and I’m not sure why we’ve been programmed to believe or act like that they. I don’t know why we say we already have our fair share compared to others. Alluding to the fact that we’ve hit a ceiling, there is no ceiling to self expansion. Limiting your financial resources doesn’t help anyone else get rich.
Ignoring your career goals does not help anyone else achieve theirs. Improving your mental and physical health, of course, does not take anything from anyone else. Deep down we know the more you have, the more you have to give to others physically and mentally, emotionally. But somehow we forget this in the moment and especially after motherhood.
As a parent, we are needed many hours of the day at a job and house chores and all the other things. On top of that, it can be exhaust. The mental load is never ending. All the things you need to remember and do, and it can make it really hard to dream and think about things for yourself. I a hundred percent get it. But for me, what I started thinking about was the opportunity cost.
The Opportunity Cost
I believe that when we don’t allow ourselves to want and achieve more, it actually leads to burnout and an empty cup that we can no longer pour from. So let’s say you run into someone who could really use a smile and just say, Hey, how are you doing?
Now if you’re also down, you’ve lost the opportunity to make that person stay, and you have no idea how impactful that would’ve been, and vice versa. It’s you for someone to make your day and maybe your kid’s having a tough day and they need some extra attention. When you know that you’re working on yourself and you’re following through, it all lends to your ability to be able to navigate those high emotions.
And then here’s a really real example for many of us, right? So let’s say you wake up, you’re rushing to find clothes for everyone. You get everyone fed and out the door, everyone is in these high emotions because they can feel the stress and the chaos, and you get the kids dropped off and you have like your first breath of the day before jumping into work or back to household chore.
And then the day ends and the kids come down from their day. They’re exhausted from being on stage, connecting with their teachers, their friends, all the things. And it’s your job to hold everyone together. You feed ’em, you set ’em up for tomorrow, and maybe you even have work to finish at the end of the day, or more house chores, and then you finally get to go to bed.
Then you’re on repeat. Imagine this cycle for an average of 25 years, a minimum of five days. Two kids, until 18 Years each, that’s the low end. This whole time you’re surviving and checking the boxes and doing the thing without pausing to consider more, and that can take a toll on you. It can literally shorten your life.
Now, on the flip side of that, let’s say you allow yourself to dream and want more. You still have all those same responsibilities, but now you wake up with a greater vision. You’re open to how you can. The family’s included, and you guys all understand that you’re progressing forward together. The moments that you guys have together are more intentional.
Your boundaries are stronger. Your mental, physical, emotional health is stronger, and because of that, you’re able to respond more peacefully. When life throws you a curve ball, you’re truly live each day fully. You’re not rushing to that dreaded finish line of the end of your life, all because you wake up every day you breathe and allow yourself to want more.
It’s a different narrative, right?
Gratitude Along Expansion
Wanting more and allowing yourself to expand is quite literally necessary. But I also wanna be really clear. It is so important to always remember to ground yourself and realize how far you’ve come and what you do have, and be grateful for that. So many of the people I learn from and look up to, they share the importance of daily gratitude in simply giving yourself a few seconds each day to identify something you’re grateful for is very, very powerful.
And you can bring this into your family as an activity over breakfast or dinner or even a bedtime. I actually love asking my three year old what he’s grateful for over dinner. And now he actually prompts us. He’ll say, Momma, what are you grateful for? Daddy? What are you grateful for? And he’ll tell us what his brother’s grateful for too, which is great.
But I also hope to teach him and I hope I lived out myself. To have the understanding that gratitude does not negate desire. I believe it is our life duty to lead ourselves as our own individuals, but to also lead by example for those in your circle and your children. And to do your part by going after what you want with your own plan and mindset.
And when you do that, not even intentionally, you’ll inspire others along the way, which is a great. But again, if you don’t, that can be truly damaging. When you don’t allow yourself to expand, you’re doing yourself a disservice as well as affecting everyone in your home, not communicating about or acting on the things that you want.
It can manifest into resentment, depression, anxiety, and anger on yourself and others. As parents, we often tell our children, dream big. We tell them, you can do anything. You set your mind. But we don’t take our own advice, and for some reason when we get the added responsibilities as an adult, we way too often take that as a reason that we can’t dream or want more, that we just have to execute in the present and check the boxes until the kids are out of the house or until that someday.
But here’s the thing, like no matter how many times you tell your kids that you want that for them, if you’re not leading by example, they are way less likely to have success pursuing. Because then the mental junk takes over as it does for all of us. We think, well that’s not the case for me. I can’t do it.
I’m not that person. And none of that’s true. But if we can see the vision, we have to remember that we can have it. But when you do see the vision and you don’t trust yourself to pursue it now, that’s the scary part. Cuz what are you telling yourself?
Don’t question your worthiness or allow for the guilt. Allow yourself to desire more.
And when you question it remind yourself, you can be grateful and still want more. The more you have, it’s actually better for everyone. You’ll be better for it in turn, and you’ll be able to give an offer more of yourself in all the right ways to the people that you should. And two, wanting more is a natural result of human growth.
It is unnatural for a human to avoid growth. We are meant to evolve and expand with no ceiling. In three, you have the power to create anything you want, achieve anything you want, and have anything you want, but it’s your responsibility to allow yourself to. XOXO Chat Soon Momma, Kelsey